“Calls are up; fires are down.”
This is the new day and age of being a firefighter and a first responder. The receiving end of 911 calls has become a ruthless whirlwind of unimaginable experiences. The days of going to fires and drinking beer throughout a twelve-hour shift are over. The sexiness of the glory days has gone, and the job has changed. First responders are going on calls daily that would emotionally scar the average person for their whole life, and some of us are still holding on to things like toxic masculinity or the ‘suck it up’ attitude.
“It’s not that bad.”
Since I started this career, I’ve worked the busiest rigs in their respective county areas or battalions. But I STILL told myself, “it’s not that bad; there are busier rigs and busier departments out there somewhere, running more traumatic experiences than you, so you should think about them.” If the legends I worship from the FDNY in the 1970s weren’t writing about mental health and talking about positivity, then who am I to do so? If my brothers and sisters working in the more run-down areas in the big cities aren’t complaining about mental and physical fatigue, why should I?
Make the Decision
Years ago, I made a decision that I wanted to be a part of ocean rescue. I wanted to be a lifeguard. I realized that physically I was going to have to make changes; it was time to get fit, as fit as I could. I learned that this was a new form of therapy, and the habits I created then I will take with me to the grave. I’m daily chasing the runner’s high. I can compare this decision to the recent one I made to round out not only my body but also my mind and spirit. I had bouts of anxiety and depression long before being a first responder, and I thought that my new fitness habits could be the sole tool for dealing with a sour mind and spirit.
A handful of years have gone by since then, and very recently I have admitted to myself that I need other habits to help. Once I made this commitment, I recognized this will have to be a daily habit. I’ve just added yet another task to my daily routine. But it never feels like a chore; it’s just a commitment – that’s all it is, and it doesn’t take much. Every day I can, there is something I read, journal, or meditate on.
I’m not on a mission to lose any aggressiveness–it has its place. I just implore anyone who needs it to work on a more holistic approach of personal progression—mind, body, and spirit. There isn’t anything wrong with being a warrior monk. First responders, in particular, are susceptible to physiological responses they aren’t even aware of.
